LITTLE BOY GOES TO HELL
by Mark Nichols

We see a Grainy Stylized Film PROJECTED ON A BIG-SCREEN

LITTLE BOY is walking through the woods and sees a sign that says,
This rope is not to be pulled.
He pulls it. A flap falls down and the sign says,

LITTLE BOY GOES TO HELL

The film ends as the sound of an alarm rings and the music begins.
Lights rise on Bosch-like hospital patients and staff.

OPENING

PSYCHIATRIST
I've come to take you off with me
To take you from this melody
It's easy when you close your eyes
It's easy when you go to sleep

CHORUS
(A Cappella in grand harmonies)
There's a place in this world
In this world all the time
There’s no music, no darkness,
And no light shines
There's no day; there's no night
But there’s plenty of time

PSYCHIATRIST
(quietly now.)
And everyone’s crazy here under the sun
We're all going backwards
To where we've begun
And after it's over the damage is done
We did it for love or we did it for fun
You never should wonder
'Bout what it all means
Life is a memory
Life is a dream
Is your head a place where misery reigns?
Or do pretty things still grow
Would unbearable suffering be a nice change?
Or does strangeness seem normal
And normal seem strange
I don’t know I don’t know

PSYCHIATRIST & CHORUS
Or is your head a wondrous, magical place
With hundreds of clowns throwing pies at the face
Of a hobo who's dancing on top of a unicorn
Muttering something about
Shakespeare and reindeer
And somebody's collar bone
Hung from the moon in traditional fashion
And nobody has any clothes on
They're dancing outside in the rain
And I’m poking a needle deep into my eye
Just to see if there’s some way to get me to cry

PSYCHIATRIST
And I wonder I wonder oh why, why, why, why
They're serving us ice cream on Karma Pie
Does anyone here have the answers my friend?
To the question of what just might follow the end

[THE DEVIL enters with the full Goat-Devil costume complete with
goat-legs and rams horns. THE DEVIL raises his hand and the music
goes into a primal-sax- solo- percussion-driven- jam. The chorus
dances around the DEVIL in a frenzied EGO DANCE. Gradually the
DEVIL is taken apart by the hospital staff and left in nothing but a
hospital gown. Slowly he limps forward. The PSYCHIATRIST pushes
a wheelchair up behind him and returns to the shadows. The DEVIL
sits incapacitated. MOM and ANGELS cross upstage in song]

A WHOLE NEW SOUL

DEVIL
Oh, Mammy
You never did explain to me
I been waitin' here forever, Mammy
But you don't come back
You told me you'd back,
When the clock struck one
But it's late now Mammy
and forever's just begun
And I used to have a soul
where it was is just a hole
now I need a whole new soul
and I don't know where to go.
Oh Mammy
How would I fill this hole?
When you leave me
Oh Mammy.
Whose soul Mammy?
Who's soul could it be?

Nurses enter.

NURSE He thinks He’s the Devil.
A NURSE He thinks this is real.
NURSE It’s a Hell of a life.
A NURSE It’s a Hell of a deal.
NURSE Has he never been happy?

They push the DEVIL aside as LITTLE BOY and MOM arrive at the
hospital. The music changes to an upbeat, cheerful tone. As LITTLE
BOY sings, the entire hospital staff bounces around him with
ridiculous smiles, taking him through an absurd admittance procedure
as MOM is shoved about by nurses with armfuls of forms to fill out.

HAPPY GUY SONG

LITTLE BOY
Though I might have every problem
That a little boy can have
Ear infections, pigeon toes, and halitosis,
Some terminal chapped lips
That make it hard to sip
Doesn’t matter cause it will get better
Cause the rain won’t be getting any wetter
Though yesterday was the worst day,
today’s my seventh birthday
I'm a happy guy
I've got a happy life
Hear my happy whistle
From my happy lips.
And all the world seems happy
When you’re a happy man
And all the happy wanderers
Go happy hand in hand
(He whistles a little tune.)
I’m a happy person, I’m happy with my life
I laugh and the world laughs with me
Heedless of sorrow and strife
And all the world seems happy
When you’re a happy guy
And all the swiftly parting souls go happy through the sky
(By this time he has been put into a hospital gown and is seated on a
hospital gurney. A nurse is about ready to take a blood sample)
And they say --

CHORUS
But what about the sorrow and what about the pain?

LITTLE BOY I guess I know I’ll be happy again
CHORUS
But what about tomorrow,
And what about the bomb?
LITTLE BOY
I guess I know that I’ll
Get along

The Six (Minister, Friendly, Jane, Clown, Petra, Professor) enter with
pathetically forced smiles (with the exception of Nurse Jane, all are
dressed as patients.)

LITTLE BOY AND THE SIX
The world’s not black
The world’s not white
You’re not wrong
And I’m not right
If you can think of a good reason why
I should not be a happy guy
Write it down on a blade of grass
And shove it up your happy--

LITTLE BOY
As you can see
I’m as happy as....
Can be.

LITTLE BOY is settled into his room with MOM at his side. Lights up
in the ward. The DEVIL looks around with dawning recognition.
NURSE JANE (whispering) He says he's the Devil!
NURSE FRIENDLY He don't look like the Devil.. Maybe the devil's little
sister but not the devil.

Two nurses rush to sedate Nurse Friendly.

NURSE JANE That's what he says, what should I do?
ORDERLY Get his info, whatever he'll give you.
Nurse Jane approaches the DEVIL.
NURSE JANE Hi there. My name is Nurse Jane. Welcome to your
new home.
DEVIL But it isn’t new...
DEVIL stares ahead.
Lights change to LITTLE BOY’s area.
MOM is reading to him from a children’s book. Little boy points to a
picture in the book.
LITTLE BOY Is he a good guy or a bad guy?
Mom No idea.
Little boy Yeah.
Mom
(reading) ...
"and if the frying pan doesn't fly off the handle and do a
tap dance with the pork and beans I'll tell you the story of Uncle
Piggily and the Toothache boy."

Two nurses enter.

NURSE We’re ready for you now

LITTLE BOY and MOM with DOCTORS. They have set up a
SUPER-8 CAMERA on a Tripod in order to film little boy walking.
Mom looks on with Little Boy. The boy staggers and limps right up to SUPER-8 camera.

PSYCHIATRIST
(downstage and staring past the audience, he takes a
drag from his cigarette...)
Just walk as normally as possible. . .
(The
boy limps toward the camera as hospital staff looks on)
Good. We'll have this developed and analyzed right away. It should tell us something...I'm sure.

MOM Is there anything I can do in the meantime.

PSYCHIATRIST
No, I'm afraid not, it's just going to take time. Can I talk
to you for a minute alone.
MOM Sure.
They move to the side
PSYCHIATRIST I’ve got to tell you...We don’t really know what’s going
on. It could be physical and it could be...
(takes a drag from a
cigarette)
mental.
MOM Mental? But he seems so happy.
PSYCHIATRIST Almost too happy. There are things about the
human psyche we just don’t understand
MOM He shouldn’t be here Doctor, these people are insane.
PSYCHIATRIST
(After a pause)
We think there's a small chance that he
may have M.S. or Muscular Dystrophy. Or arthritis.
MOM Old men get arthritis..
PSYCHIATRIST We'll need to keep
him here for at least a couple
of weeks. We're testing like mad, and as you can see we'll be filming
his movements. We'll be sending these films to every specialist in
the country. That's the best we can do.
Mom A couple weeks? That's so long. Are you sure that's
necessary?
PSYCHIATRSIT I'm sure. It's complicated.
He exits
MOM returns to LITTLE BOY and NURSES.
Nurse It'll be over soon enough

A NURSE We're going to take excellent care of him.
MOM Thank you, I'm sure you will.
MOM embraces LITTLE BOY. Lights back to ward as LITTLE
BOY watches. Nurse Jane talks to DEVIL with a trio of Nurses taking
down his answers.
NURSE JANE FUZZY WUZZY Date of birth?
DEVIL February 22, 1964
Nurse Jane Social Security Number?
DEVIL 437 82 2666.
NURSE JANE Name?
DEVIL The Devil
NURSE JANE O.K. Would that be Lucifer, Satan, Belzebub...?
DEVIL No, Just the Devil. D-E-V-I-L.
The DEVIL goes into a seizure.
DEVIL
And all the world seems happy when you're a Happy...
He is restrained and sedated by ORDERLYs.
LITTLE BOY Mom? Could you hand me my special birthday deathray
blaster, please?
MOM Doctor, What’s going on?
PSYCHIATRIST Terrifying isn’t it?
MOM
(Urgently)
These people!! They’re crazy here!
PSYCHIATRIST You might think so. But I don’t.
(To patients)
Hello.
Hello. How are we today?
PSYCHIATRIST This is the special ward in our beautiful institute.. They’
re all here because of a unique combination of mental and physical
illnesses. They are all curable and I have high hopes that we'll see
them out living normal lives soon enough. Isn't that right Manny?
Clown You bet you, Doctor. Just
a little depressed though, I got to
admit.
The CLOWN puts out his hand. PSYCHIATRIST gives him a pill.
Instantly, CLOWN is happy and swallows it.