God, I wish I had soul! Or at least a soul!
Little boy
You're going to make a deal with the Devil? Me too!!
Clown (suddenly ecstatic again)
What a coincidence!
LITTLE BOY We should go together! Maybe we could help each
other!
CLOWN Yeah! What a great idea! I'll bet we could!
LITTLE BOY Let's do it!....
CLOWN All right!
LITTLE BOY Cool! (A pause) So which way do we go?
CLOWN Well,...(Immediately begins to weep) I can't decide. That's one
of my problems. I can't seem to make choices, and a magician
always has to know what he wants
Little boy
A Magician? But you look like a clown.
Clown
Shh...listen close little boy...
(Boy draws close)
(He yells)
I ain't no clown!
Little boy
Then why are you dressed like a clown?
CLOWN I’ts what I’ve always worn. I’m not trying to be a clown.
LITTLE BOY Can't you just put on some magician clothes?
Clown
Oh, no. We’re not allowed to change without His permission and he
never grants it. He hates change. But I’m miserable. If I could just get
up the guts to ask him, but I'm so afraid.
Little boy Well--I'm not afraid of Him! I'm going to slay the Devil if I need
to! Just like a dragon! If he won't help me find my way home, that's
what I'll do!
Little boy takes out his toy gun, and holds it out menacingly.
Clown Oh sh! Sh! Sh! Please don't say that! You can't--you can't
possibly hurt him! What would happen to all of us? You'd just make
him mad and he'd take it out on us!
Little boy So you already know ..the Devil?
Clown Yes. (pleased with himself) Everyone in Hell is familiar
with him.
Little boy Then what does he look like?
Clown Depends on his mood. He has a lot of faces. Lots of
masks. In fact, he could be anyone of us. He could be me--Ha Ha--
you'd better watch out.
Clown covers his mouth, suddenly terrified.
Clown Oh my--I didn't even think of it--he could be you. Oh, what
have I done? If you're him--I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!
Little boy I'm not him!
Clown Really? Promise
LITTLE BOY I promise.
CLOWN (happy again) Well ok.
Little boy
Can I see a magic trick?
Clown
Alright. But just one.
We hear music. He looks around nervously, then does a lame and
unsuccessful trick, but his execution is very funny.
Clown Shoot
He starts crying.
Little boy I don't understand. Why can't you just be a clown? You could
be a great clown!
CLOWN pulls out a cigarette.
CLOWN Got a match?
LITTLE BOY It’s not polite to smoke.
Clown Well if every clown wore a crown we'd all be kings, wouldn't we?
LITTLE BOY What’s that got to do with matches?
CLOWN Shakespeare! (Waits for laugh that doesn’t come)
Little boy Uh...Yeah. That's pretty funny. See you're really funny.
CLOWN (gleeful) You're right! You know--you're the kind of friend
a person needs! You're the kind of friend a person looks for!
Little boy I am?
Clown You should be my friend. You could help me put a new act
together. You could be my sidekick... you could help me write new
material, good material!. We could amuse him and maybe he'd think
we were funny or clever or creative! And he'd give us a break.
Little boy I could be a Clown too. In fact, we could be the best darn
clowns the world has ever seen!
Clown Like Laurel and Hardy
Little boy Like Bert and Earnie.
Clown Yeah, right. Barnum and Bailey! The best darn clowns the
world has ever seen!
Little boy YEA!
Clown YEA!
They both jump around, hugging each other. High energy music is
heard, similar to the Warner Brothers cartoon theme song. A Rapid
March Tempo. During the introduction Clown and Little Boy both put
flowerpots on their heads. LITTLE BOY hurriedly gets dressed like
the CLOWN. The two sing.
Clown and Boy (Singing)
You're the kind of friend a person looks for
You're the kind of friend a person needs
What else could you be
Clown
When you are with me
The kind of friend I'd like to be!
Little boy I guess that's me!
Little boy You're the kind of friend a person waits for
Clown you're the kind of friend a person needs.
Little boy When I'm feeling blue
Clown I'll stop and think of you
Little boy I hope that you are happy too
Clown I'm glad I have a friend like you
Little Boy I'm glad to have a friend like you
Clown And I am too.
Clown (Patter speaking over music)
Got a match?
Little boy No, I don't It's not polite to smoke
Clown If every Clown wore a crown we'd all be kings
Little boy What does that have to do with matches?
Clown Shakespeare!
BOTH Hey! (Rimshot.)
LITTLE BOY Say, I heard a joke the other day.
CLOWN Oh, yeah? What was it?
LITTLE BOY I can’t remember.
CLOWN You can’t remember? Well, was it funny?
LITTLE BOY not really.
CLOWN Then why did you bring it up?
LITTLE BOY It seemed like your sort of joke
CLOWN Whoa! (Rimshot.)
CLOWN So who was that woman I saw you with last night?
Little boy That was no Woman, that was my mom!
BOTH Yeah! (Rimshot.)
Music cranks up again and they do a TAP DANCE break
The music becomes faster and more circus-like
Clown You want to see some magic kid? I'll show you a little magic. You
want to impress your friends? Just watch.
He does a successful back flip.
Clown
(Doing the funky chicken)
See kid. You got to live on the edge. Take chances; Life's too short!
I'm intense
I'm intense
I'm intense like Houdini or Mou
No one messes with me
no one's refutin' I'm bad as rasputin'
I'm pukin' my guts up for you
Like Sid Visious would do...
Cause I'm too intense!
CLOWN Check this out!
CLOWN does Watusi. Then does another backflip (flown into the air
Peter Pan style,) and crashes into the bushes. Music stops.
Clown Oh . . . ow . . .
Little Boy Are you o.k?
Clown Oh. . . that one hurt. . . i'm in pain. . .that was intense. I'm so
bad. I suck..
LITTLE BOY What's the matter? I thought you were happy.
CLOWN I was. . . I guess. (sobs) Oh. I can't believe how
screwed up I am. I mean only minutes ago I had the world figured
out and a cherry on top and it was in the bag had achieved a perfect
Kharmic balance and now everything's bad!
Little boy You just need more practice, It's ok.
Clown No it's not. You got my hopes up.
Little boy But, without you, how am I going to find the Devil to
make a deal?
clown You'll do OK kid. Run along.
Little boy But our career?
Clown Forget it kid. I'd just screw up the deal. I'm so stupid. Can't you
see that?
Little boy But--
Clown Now kid. Just head that way, go straight and don't look back. Get
out 'a here. Good luck, kid.
The Clown puts his head in his hands and sighs. Little boy turns
hesitantly
LITTLE BOY But I thought we were friends!?
CLOWN We were. Now we're not.
He Exits.